My limited knowledge tells me that I shouldn't be angry, especially since there is really so much to be joyful about. But I am so discouraged sometimes. Ugh....
Is it possible to discourage yourself? What I struggle with is what I find so frustrating in other Christians. Like why are most of us so freakin lazy. I just want to kick them and be like "what the heck are you doing for Christ laying there idle?" But I'm the one who needs a kick every morning. I didn't even want to go to CCM yesterday because I was tired. The freak is wrong with me.... feeling sorry for myself? (I love CCM and I'm sorry I haven't been as good a brother as I should be)
Maybe its because when I see other people struggle with the same things I do, I'm reminded of how much I suck. I hate my laziness, my poor stewardship of time and money, my self serving "plan" for my life, as if I were even in control.
Ugh, just so frustrated with the lack of holiness, the glory thats taken away from God, the depravity and filthyness of so called reborn Christians like myself who still sin. How much worse are we who sin knowing what it cost in pain and blood than someone whom has not had this truth revealed to them. I understand that my actions drive the nails, that my heart crowned Him with thorns, that my flesh would tear and rip at His, and I still fail every day.
Thats my rant. Sick of not living for Christ. This life of mine wont be wasted.
Where will He find me and what will I be doing when He comes back?
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