Praise Faciliting

Maybe like three people who read know what I'm referring to, but I'm praise facilitating for the primary group. Hooray I love these songs! God is so big, Jesus loves me, Lord I lift your name on high, King Jesus is all, Making melodies..... awesome. I'm excited. Thats all

Actually I wanted to do bios for the lesser known primary group for the church but then decided against volunteering information about other people's kids on the internet, even if it is just my

blog. I'll share pics of a few though.

This is Audrey (my favorite, but don't tell anyone)

She loves me

This is Nathan, his smirk gives away his personality

Thats all for now, more kids later ^^

You are big brothers and sisters to them!

What's my problem?

Lots

Thank God for grace

A tricky thing that I've had to deal with this year as a christian is discouragement, burden, and anger. Biblically, to be subject to any of these is not a sin. More often, it seems that Christians feel that discouragement from others is a sign of their maturity, the sharing of burdens their righteousnes, and their anger biblically justified.

In studying about anger, I've found that, just like everything else, it isn't existance that's the problem, but how that existance is dealt with. Bad news for me : T. I wish that anger just wasn't an issue. My prayers would go like, "God, please increase my patience, my understanding, and my wisdom so thing like such and such don't happen or can be avoided." But God says in the bible that those things will happen and can't be avoided, so deal with them in a way that would be glorifying.

I had memorized Ephesians 4:26, but verse 27 is the second part and pretty important.

Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun

go down on your anger,

and give no opportunity to the devil

In the words (well similar) of Rick Holland, God has never had a speech impediment. Meaning the bible is clear. So yes clearly, be angry, sure BUT do not sin. I think the structure goes like this.

God tells us what we can and (when called for) should do: be angry

Then he tells us in light of that, what not to do: do not sin, give no opportunity to the devil

Beyond that we are told how to do that: do not let the sun go down on your anger

Similarly I found in Psalm 4:4

Be angry, and do not sin; ponder in

your own hearts on your beds,

and be silent. Selah.

Briefly, this passage gets even more specific in exhorting us to be silent in our anger. Or rather, not to retaliate. Such as when Christ tells us to turn the other cheek. Such is the way that we are to approach our anger, with control.

Similarly, being discouraged, or bearing a lot of burden is not the problem, but how I address the presence of those in my life. I wish I had more discernment. Do i rebuke? Thats difficult because there's few people I can rebuke with the right heart. Do I ask the pastors? I can't always rely on them 24/7. Do I pray (i was about to type "only pray" but what greater thing can you do?)? Do i stop bearing others burdens? Do I isolate myself from these people for the sake of my own growth? Do I struggle and persevere even through failure? What do I do Lord?

Indeed its as simple as trust and obey, but I'm an engineer, I must fix things, I must make things better always. And that conflicts with my trust and the fact that I am incapable of resolving everything.

Aish

trust

obey

thank you ^^

*edit: that is not to say I'm only on the receiving end. I need to work on not being a discouragement and in dealing out all my burdens.

Shutup Sata

So two posts ago I blogged about CJ Mahaney and how I need to be talking to myself. To quiet my mind I went somewhere quiet. I'm trying to get into photography, but honestly, I felt pretty dumb taking a picture of myself. Oh well.

This is where I live. All I can do is be obedient and give thanks and praise where its sooooooo due.

Not an accident

And it all started here

My face hurts

Because I'm being dragged on it.

I think it was Rick Holland who was speaking about sinning and having grace abound. The common phrase that came up was "Let go and let God." Meaning we don't need to be intentional or work towards sanctification because God is at work in us. After all, thats what Philippians 2:13.

But next time someone tells you anything like that, tell them to read the previous verse. Philippians 2:12 exhorts Christians to WORK out their own salvation with fear and trembling.

So which is it? Is it that God is working in us or are we to work too? The answer: Yes.

Truly there is no other way, than to trust and obey. It's both. God is in sovereign control, but it is in His plan and His will for us to obey. The second part of Philippians 2:13 affirms this.

"For it is God who works in you

Both to work and to will for His good pleasure"

One of the results of God's work is that WE would work and will for His pleasure.

Where we fail, is not having the right balance of trust and obey. Some sin continuously. "trusting" in God to make things work out for His good. Technically thats true, but not what God wills. He could just make everything perfect but in His omniscient sovereignty, has decided and commanded that He be glorified by us. So obey. But when we go too far that way we end up failing too. We try to be in control and God humbles us.

This is why I'm being dragged on my face. I try to be so obedient that I should gain some control. (I love the analogy of running towards the goal if you haven't noticed) Look at ME God, I got new running shoes called proficiency in an instrument of praise. Look at ME God, I've been training for this race with my habitual disciplines workout. Look at ME God, I've joined and been sponsored the charitable causes that i serve at called Berean, CCM, Work, and Home. Look at ME God, I encourage the other runners, giving them shallow tips, and trying to help them when they fall. Look at ME!

Too often God needs to tell me to shutup and look around, and when I do, I see that I'm not running the race, I'm being dragged. God is moving me one way and I'm working in another direction, effectively dragging myself. At this point in my imagination God stops to tell me.

"Use the muscles in your legs that are MY strength"

"Use the oxygen in you blood that is MY ever flowing love"

"Use the calories that are MY sustaining Word"

"And when you fall on your face like you are now, let ME be your crutch"

I hope I'm not being blasphemous by quoting what God might say in my imagination, but regardless I come to the conclusion that I've been relying a bit too much on what I ME MYSELF can do and not relying much at all on GOD. There is nothing good I can do apart from You God.

Talking to myself

C.J. Mahany was telling us that our souls are often troubled because we listen to ourselves much more than we talk to ourselves. When I just listen, my soul is burdened for sure. After all, my consciousness seems to complain a lot, and loudly. Hopefully this blog remains useful to talk to myself and by that I think C.J. meant to preach to myself. Talk to myself about the gospel, about humility, about love, and much more that I'm lacking.

I am a little behind in my posts, but I think things will calm down for a little bit and I can catch up this week ^^

Unfaithful

Unfaithful (Instrumental) - Rihanna

is what I'm listening to... couldn't think of a title for this blog because I don't really know what I'm writing about.  Just felt like blogging.  Anyway that song came up under the hans zimmer station on pandora

I've been thinking about the latest probing question from the kids.  "Why doesn't God stop Satan?" 

Well thats one of those questions that I don't think is revealed to us, but I do have my suspicions.  First God does stop satan.  Satan can only work by God's permission.  As seen in Job, satan could not afflict Job in any way without God's approval.  And even after that God had restricted satan.  So the question becomes, why would God allow satan to do anything?

Well, the real answer I think is, God is perfect and sovereign.  Those characteristics are clearly in the Word.  So whether we understand His plan or not is irrelevant so the question is actually erroneous.

But suppose that out of curiosity, the question mattered.  I like to think that we are afflicted to better know God.  After all, if everything was perfect then what need would we have for God?  (granted, things wouldn't be perfect in the absence of satan because sin remains and can be commited apart from satan's work.  Humans are not responsible for the presence of temptation (unless they are the tempter/tempstress) but rather the sin that leads to the indulging of that temptation.  Though that responsibility has been paid for by Christ's blood)  Anyway, back on point, afflictions help us grow closer to God.

Recall 2 Corinthians 12:7-9

So to keep me from becoming conceited

because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations,

a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of

Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited.

Three times I pleaed with the Lord about this,

that it should leave me.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you,

for my power is made perfect in weakness."

Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses,

so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

So the work of satan actually results in the revelation of God's power and the sufficiency of His love and grace.

Indeed God gives and He takes away.  But it all belongs to Him.  Our whole lives and everything that our lives are made of are His.  If He allows satan to tempt us, to strike us, to decieve us, it is ultimately to glorify Him.  Our responsibility, is in light of whatever satan may throw at us, that we intentionally glorify God.  Do we mourn over a loss without remembering to praise God for what remains?  Do we complain about difficulty or praise God's strength that endures through difficult times?  Do I hate those that hate me or do I love them?

I fail almost every time it seems.  But even in my failures, even having succumb to so many temptations, delighting in satan's work..... if God could sanctify me, then what a testament to His power and love in my life.

I also think satans work is something like this: if you pray to be more patient, then often times God gives you that opportunity by presenting you with a person or situation that will require patience.  If you pray for humility, then perhaps you will be rebuked your competency/awesomeness/whatever your pride hangs on to will be challenged.  How you react to such situations reveals your character.

One way God reveals His character is through our hardships, caused by our sin and satan.  Is knowing God worth all that hardship?  Depends, whats more valuable to you?  Knowing God, or knowing comfort?  I want to know God but jeez.... thats not as easy a decision as it should be.  If only I knew Him better I don't think there would be any hesitation at all.

Just some thoughts regarding Zachariah's question (which i always thought his name was just Zachary but when he wrote his name on the latest craft, he wrote "Zachariah")

Hope this doesn't distract anyone from their studying.  Good luck on finals ^^

The Great Negotiator

That's what I am.

I'm really gonna miss PPC when he's gone for the year (or more)

Yesterday we talked a lot about nonnegotiables.  For example, church is a nonnegotiable.  I don't think, "should I go to church? do I want to go to church?" because those are invalid questions.  Church is nonnegotiable so theres nothing to consider, I just go.

Bible study is a nonnegotiable.  It's not just required by the Berean covenant, studying the bible is required for my growth, to know and love more the God who so loved me.  (which on a totally tangent topic, I was thinking, If God is timeless and sees a million years ago, ahead, the present all at once, wouldn't that mean He is always seeing and experiencing the sacrifice of Christ for all of eternity?  And for my sake?)

Those two are good but what other nonnegotiables are in my life, which ones do I need?

Is class a nonnegotiable?  To best glorify God in His calling to me, yea probably.

Is panda express a nonnegotiable?  I wish, but by no means.

Is facebook, twitter, blogger, tv, games, movies, motorcycles, cars, snowboarding, hiking, nonnegotiables?  Sometimes they are for me and they really don't need to be, especially when they are the reason for which i negotiate to not go or do something I should.

(Here's the heartbreaker) Are my disciplines nonnegotiable?  They shouldn't be, but they so often are.  In what greater area can I not afford to compromise than my relationship with God.  This was the sharpest rebuke in talking to PPC.  Ultimately, reading and praying are probably the most important things you can do in life.  One is talking to God, the other is listening to Him.  How can I in any way neglect that necessity and incredible blessing.

Was CCM a nonnegotiable for me?  Should it have been?  It's not a church after all...

Is hanging out a nonnegotiable?  Well depends whether its for the purpose of glorifying God or to glorify myself and my liesure.  It is a nonnegotiable thing to disciple, be discipled, and to encourage your brothers a sisters.  Fun is optional (but awesome)

Theres some tough ones to discern too, like, is my work nonnegotiable?  Hmm well I suppose that depends on what God's plan for me is (as best as I can discern it)  Maybe one day God will call me to forsake my job and at that time, it will be a good thing.

Ultimately, I need to make a few more things nonnegotiable, and probably compromise on some of the things I've habitually made nonnegotiable.  Time to go to prayer meetings consistently, pray more, journal more, read more, study more, pursue God in any and every way.  And more not in the sense of what I do now plus one, but more as in consistently.

(One of many issues that came up in asking if I wanted to be a teacher for the kids is, that I need to be more consistent.  PPC notices that I am up and down everyweek, doing better, then being dry, really passionate, then a little defeated (or more like dragging my feet, I'm never ever defeated with Christ by me).  I missed a few bible studies while they were considering me.  So I guess consistency is indeed something I need to work on if its so apparent to the leaders)

Hungry

Right now, I really am.  No really.  Like physically.  But spiritually too.

Confession: I have been so undisciplined lately, which is weird to say considering i wake up and get to work by 7 every day.  But I haven't been waking up as early as I mean to so that I can read and QT for as long as I want to.

I did it once last friday but have since failed.  I've been able to work out this week but have I suffered for God?  I'll have cooked a meal for 10+ people tonight but will I pursue God?  I went to all my classes (two haha) but did I learn anything about God?  I led small group but have I been following my Leader?  I spent hours at bonfire but how much time did I spend with God?

Granted all these things I try to do for His glory, and though I fail to live for Him perfectly, I forget that I don't live my life and try to add God to it, God is my life and the things I do is what He's added to me.

Anyway, I actually wanted to blog about my brother and his graduation and post pics of that and bonfire, but I'm at work : T

speaking of which..... let's try to not get fired..... (5% of our company has been let go already)

What did I say

Maybe because it was my last CCM event or because I'm a fifth year and I do what I want that led me to share yesterday.  I didn't think about what I wanted to say until I got up there and it just went to show I'm a absolutely horrible speaker haha.

I like writing (typing) because I think I type much closer to the pace of my thoughts.  And I can change what I type.

What I think I was trying to say, is what CCM is and is not

CCM IS NOT A CHURCH: BBQ's, Small Group, preparing for small group, spam cookoff, retreats, late nights, hangouts, and w/e else CAN NOT interfere with involvement in church or your spiritual disciplines.  CCM is great but its purpose is to support the church and point collegians to the cross.  It needs to do both of those things, not just one or the other.

CCM IS NOT A CLUB:  It's a ministry.  That means you don't go there just to have fun.  You go to intentionally grow and serve.  If you're not a Christian, then you go to learn and be encouraged.  If you are a Christian, you go to learn and do some encouraging.  I quoted Philippians 1:7-8 It is my prayer that your love would abound more and more WITH KNOWLEDGE AND ALL DISCERNMENT so that you may approve what is excellent and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ.  The best part of this ministy is the opportunity to serve your brothers and sisters, and the lost on campus.

CCM IS NOT PERFECT: I wish we could all be perfect witnesses, serve one another with genuine hearts, and continualy glorify God through this ministry that God so blessed us with.  But the truth is, we will be discouraged, let down, upset, maybe even mad at CCM peoples, speaker, events, and w/e else.  Unfortunately, we won't have a perfect anything apart from God Himself, until we are with Him in heaven.  So forgive the shortcomings.

CCM IS NOT CLASS:  Attendance is not required (but suggested by me).  A lot of times I found myself going because what better thing would i do on a wednesday night?  I could do homework maybe, but I can also do homework anytime.  How often do I see the brothers and sisters I love so much?  (not as often as i seem to have hmwk)  But there are times when CCM is not the most glorifying thing to God.  We are called to be students (well i'm not anymore.... or for the time being, I'll be back in the classroom in spring I think)  and as students we are supposed to glorify God.

CCM IS AWESOME:  CCM is the ministry by which God took hold of me and showed me my utter depravity and my desperate need for grace.  I found my church, my roommates, and my friends at CCM.  I have the fondest memories of things I've done with a for CCM.  I've been allowed to serve, not only my brothers and sisters, but God through this ministry.  I can confidently say that CCM helped me grow in my relationship with God and allowed me to help build up His kingdom in a unique (and hopefully edifying) way.

If CCM can be the method by which God brings His children to Him as He did with me, then it is worth investing in.