Who am I?

Yesterday was a good day off.  I went boarding with Alex Yi and went to bible study.  What more could I ask for?

Granted we talked a good bit, and some of the things we talked about got me thinking who is a person?  Is a person their actions and words or their past or their mistakes or their heart?  I think in the anti-legalistic Christian community that we seem to be in, most people would say the heart.  If you love God and you are obedient to His Word then you are certainly a good person despite what you may do or say.  But then, those things aren't seperate.  Your heart and actions and words are all connected.  Obviously we fail.... a lot.... but if you love God and are obedient to His Word, theres no excuse for ANY pride, ANY slander, ANY jealousy, ANY lack of discernment, ANY selfishness, ANY ANYTHING that doesn't bring glory to God.  With that kind of heart and understanding of His Word, EVERYTHING needs to be done for His glory and every failure is unacceptable.  Unacceptable, not because it can't happen, we fail every day, but unacceptable in the exact meaning of the word.  In seeking holiness no fault can be accepted by any means, so what will we do about those failures?  If we see it we need to do something about it, and if someone points it out to us we should be humbled, not defensive.

From that I realized you can't really know someone without knowing their heart, their actions, their words, and very importantly, what they do with their failures and their sins.  So anyway my point is you can't say someone is good because of their heart, and you can't say someone is good because of their actions.  Both need to be in the right place and for the right reason, and by that, most of us probably aren't that good.

I used to want to beat up Alex and humble him, but I understand him a bit more every time I hang out with him, and I'm always encouraged.  But for some reason I don't want to beat him up any less.

Sigh!!!! (of relief ^_^)

I like to sigh.  I really like to take deep breaths when I'm doing school work.  Like such a deep breath that it stretches out your lungs and chest.  Its like breathing is what my lungs were made for! haha.

I get caught up in doing all my work (which I'm choosing to not to do until Saturday) that I forget the simple things.  People say things like enjoy the simple things and they say stuff like look at the sky or smell a flower or something like that.  I never thought much about the simple things because.... well I'm an engineer and nothing is simple.... If I look at the sky I know that blue radiates off of particles because the color has a lower wavelength and and the warmer colors have higher wavelengths that pass through the particles... and... well I dunno how smell works but my point is there is at least one thing that is overwhelmingly simple and awesome.  Dare I say God is simple?  I think we make things complicated.  But oh my gosh God is so simple, He's perfect and thats where it ends..... and begins!  He is perfectly holy and just and righteous and awesome and loving and GOOD.  Maybe all His characteristics make Him sound complicated and thats what I used to think but the thing is all of His characteristics are perfectly good.  Could you really describe anyone else like that?

And really.  He's the one who makes the simple things awesome.  Seriously the sky is crazy! I'm glad He made it.  My lungs are crazy too!  What else don't I realize every day?

Anyways, I was just glad that after a freakin crazy week, I can still study God, and that while I need to change a whole whole lot, He never will, He just is, and thatｓ simply perfect.

ざんねんですね

あたまがいただ

生がきらい......

I'm so stinkin blessed!

It's a great thing that I have the opportunity to have a job and work as much as I do, and its great that I can go to a university and learn stuff i guess, and its great that i have the opportunity to invest in a campus ministry.

so why do i want to complain and cry about it all? I don't know if I'm going to get through all this without failing or getting fired and most importantly without discouraging anyone....

I'm glad He's in control, present, and loving, because I can't do this alone.

would skipping ccm to do my hmwk be a discouragement? hmm i think I'm required to go as a "leader" haha. Or would it be more discouraging for me to do my hmwk during the message haha.

I should stop wasting time at work haha. Back to it!

*Edit* I don't cry, I'm too manly

I choose to be more focused

BAM! I decided it so now I am......

Too many things in my life are a means and not enough things are a result.  I want to finish school so i can get a job so i can pay for seminary so I can be a better instrument in glorifying God.  Not that I don't try now, but I can't let myself use those aspirations as an excuse for not doing what I can now.  I was very skeptical, though excited, to lead a small group because of my lack of knowledge.  But then, as long as I'm not being destructive, its a horrible choice to not work for God because you don't feel like you're good enough.  Because to be honest, none of us are ever going to be good enough, as leaders, as followers, pastors, children...

Anyways, I want to be more focused on now and not so worried about the future.  The future will come and I have minimal control over it in light of God's sovereignty, which is awesome and I'm glad I'm not in control.  The best I can do is be in prayer and discerning with the issues and situations at hand.  Be more studious, don't wait to have time, make time, don't plan to be financially responsible, but be responsible now, etc

I told my small group in the most Christian sense "go big or go home" there will be no half heartedness here!

I choose to not watch movies anymore

So my apartment has HBO and Encore. I am really unfocused and I like to have multiple things going on at once. So when I sit down to work or play or rest, I turn on the tv and put on a movie just for ambient noise. I hardly pay attention. For as quiet as I may be I don't like silence all that much, or at least not too often. And to be honest I'm actually pretty good at multitasking but then its not like having movies on really helps me get my hmwk done faster at all. I want to be more focused, and really just a better steward of my time. If I'm going to waste any time I want to waste it with you not tv. Who? anyone that's not just andrew sata. I don't even like that guy....

no more movies, more intentional times

Lame choice

Bleh I want to be at church right now eating with my brothers and sisters, but instead I'm preparing for my design project meeting thats in 10 min!  School is awesome.

Lame

What we do? Who we be?

Granted I just posted I found it an easy decision to post again.  I feel like most of us are very indecisive and are always caught in the middle.  What I mean is, we make choices on what to do and who to be.  Generally these choices have two extreme answers and we are stuck somewhere in between.

I feel like decisions regarding what to do are so much easier that decisions on who to be.  The thing with deciding what to do is once you make your decision you do it.  Though we are usually in the middle with what we should do, we will lean one way or the other.  Should I go to CCM or do hmwk? Should I go on missions or secure a job?  Do I eat McDonalds or Taco Bell? Do I make this potentially life changing decision or no?  We should lean towards an answer, and thats the answer that glorifies God most.  But even if we are too close to the middle that we can't tell, we are still able to pray, able to read His Word, able to seek counsel, able to make a discerning choice.  And when that choice is made it is done and you can only learn to make better more discerning choices in the future.

But when chosing who to be, it is not so easy as to just make a decision.  I want to be more passionate, more intentional, laboring and suffering more for Christ, I want to be wiser.  But all these things I can't just decide to do or be.  And I know this isn't just me, too often we say we want to be more humble or gentle or content but stop there.  These decisions go so far beyond that because you have to be intentional about keeping up with your decision, its not a one time thing.  You have to put yourself in the way of wisdom and consider your growth in everything.  In trying to be wise I need to hang out with older people and I need to be mindful of my decisions, even the apparently insignificant situations.

I guess I've just come to realize that when I make a decision to do something I need to continue to fight myself and make my decisions for God's glory not mine.  And while the Spirit works in me to grow me, I need to do my part in putting myself in the way of growth and being intentional in pursuing a Christ-like life.  I can't ask for prayer if I'm not going to be serious about my growth.

No more excuses, no more trying, much more doing...

School is awesome

Wait did I say school is awesome? I meant it's not.  Well, it is a significant blessing, just a blessing that I can't wait to finish.  Theres so many things I want to do when I start working full time again! Learn languages! Learn guitar! Make more videos and get better at making them! Play games! Eat with people! Get my motorcycle! Go on missions! Play with my cousins! Memorize more verses, books even! Clean more! Learn to cook! and I don't even know what else! But def not laziness!!!!!

Tender? sure feels hardened and not broken enough to me but thanks ppc ^^

Time with Ace, CJ, and um.... Serenity doesn't have a nickname yet

YAY! yesterday Mama E asked if I could "please" take over for someone in the nursery on Sundays for the month of Febuary.  So after a long, deliberate, discerning decision process of about 1 second I replied f'sho.  Except I didn't say f'sho, but regardless I'm excited.

I love kids! and kids love me! and when they don't I give them back to their parents! haha.... no joke.....

Switzer Promotional Video

Switzer Falls last year (all the guys were from my year so freshmen probably won't recognize them)

By the way, I love making videos.  I wish I had more time...

It doesn't matter how it works, it just does!

Its very exciting to talk to my coworker about anything related to my faith.  So today he asks me if I believe in fate.  I knew exactly what I wanted to say.  Well first I said I believe in a plan.  Cool.  But by the way thats God's plan because he's sovereign.  Sovereign? but what about free will?  Well free will is just the ability to make a decision when given a choice, not to ultimately control your future and circumstances, those are beyond control, at least human control.  So is it not possible that a timeless, omniscient, omnipotent God could not only shape circumstances but based on his omniscient knowledge of your heart and its desires would it not be likely that he knows what your choice will be.  For example, I know that my dad would much rather go fishing than go snowboarding and he will obviously make that choice because I know him that well.  Well God knows me even better than that, so He knows what I will do, but knowing it does not affect my ability to make that choice.  And not being in control of my circumstances, an omnipotent God could take control and therefore guide my decision.  Though I believe if He wanted to He could just make me do something too.

So after even more of that ^^^^^ my coworker agreed.  He admitted to have never thought about God like that.  But it ends up that argument doesn't work if you don't believe in an omniscient, timeless, omnipotent God.  Dang it, an engineers mind doesn't like to accept what can't be proven

A quote from one of my professors "You have a feeling?  Theres no feeling in engineering.  Theres not even an 'f' in engineering.  Except maybe in your grade"

I love kids ^^

One of the best feelings ever, is being a kid's comfort.

Christ's love is one that we always get and is the main source of joy in a Christians life.  But that doesn't mean there aren't other joys in life that come and go, they're simply just not the foundation for our joy.

One of those joys for me is kids.  Kids may not love you if you don't give them certain things, but then I find that they're not very demanding.  They just want some of your time, maybe some of your adult strength to pick them up or throw them, maybe some silliness to make them laugh.  I can afford all of those ^^

One time I was babysitting some of the Berean kids and Hope socked Kailyn in the eye. (which was accidental but also awesome)  Totally ready to cry, she stuck out her arms to be held, so I picked her up and she was totally fine.  It was awesome, thats all she needed to be happy.  Then again she's pretty mean to me when she doesn't need me.  But that aside, I love when kids put out their arms to be held.  And I can't help but think, children are so simple to please, its awesome, I wish I could be like them in that aspect.  Unfortunately I think adults are the same way, but with discouragement.  (That is not to say kids are content, because they never are.... actually adults aren't either..... mmmm no one is totally content it seems)  We are so hard to please, and so easily defeated.  The thing with kids is they totally forget what was bothering them, but we hold on to our bitterness.  Obviously with Kailyn, if it was the pain that was making her cry, it wouldn't have mattered that I picked her up, but when I did, she didn't care that she got punched she was just happy to have the attention that she asked for.

Anyways that was a long way to getting to the story I wanted to tell.  Yesterday Caedmon put up his arms to be held, very specifically to me.  Loro says he knows who I am since I've babysat him a bit, so I was pretty stinkin happy.  He's so stinkin cute.  Unfortunately, as easily as a child is satisfied, I was crushed, when officer Jo pointed out that Caedmon was actually very intent on my chicken bake and not me :(  Rejected!  Oh well, I would have given him my chicken bake anyway, not like he coulda finished it anyway.  Well.....

Why?

Hmmm I was wondering why I blog.  

I think its two reasons: 

1. I post pics and videos for myself and to share. 

2. I hope someone will be encouraged and/or keep me accountable.

The reason the blog is called always hungry is because I will, or at least should always be hungry to grow one way or another.  And sometimes that means I need accountability and encouragement.  I know I'm no where near where God wants me to be in character and heart.  I can definitely use more accountability in my life.  If it looks like I'm doing something shady or i say something not edifying, or it looks like I'm thinking something not glorifying to God, tell me, I'm tough ^^

I really do want to glorify God and its frustrating to fail all the time.

Do all things without grumbling or questioning, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of crooked and twisted generation among whom you shine as lights in the world.  Philippians 2:14-15

Frosting on the cake

Sometimes you just need a little pick up in your week, like finding out you're missing one class to graduate this quarter...... awesome.......

I was going to be around next qtr for ccm anyways guess I might as well take a class.

Hope I still get hired after this quarter.

A new quarter

A new quarter (kinda) and a new blog

This is going to be the hardest quarter I think I'll ever have and thats all the more reason to offer it up to God

16 units of all engineering classes would usually be pretty bad but I'm retaking one of them and another is a writing class.  I pray I can honor God and bring Him glory by being a good student as that is my current calling

20 hours of work starting at 6:30am Mon-Thurs.  I pray I can be a good witness and a diligent worker to glorify Christ

CCM small group.  I am far from a leader but I pray I can be a loving brother that can encourage my boys and keep them accountable.  I can not make them grow, but if God would use me in their lives, I pray to be obedient and hard working for His kingdom

Berean Community Church.  I can't serve in the capacity that I want because of my schedule but I pray that I can serve and grow, seek accountability, and take responsibility, and be obedient to God's commands through the church.

A new roommate.  I pray that I would take advantage of CCM and our topic of the gospel this quarter to reach out to my roommate and share with Him the love in Christ that sustains me and brings me joy.  I pray that God would work in his heart to show him his need for a savior.

Myself.  I pray that I can continue to grow, that I would seek to glorify God in everything that I do and all that He places in my life.  There needs to be much more of Him and much less of me.  Things are stinking hard but I take comfort in His sovereignty and His word

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed 2 Corinthians 4: 8-9

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever Psalm 73:26