Fact of the matter is, I don't deserve God's grace, yet somehow, for reasons I won't understand, I have received it. And understanding is a problem of mine. I always want to understand. I want to understand things, and people, and situations because then I know how to handle them. Perhaps because I don't understand how anyone can deserve grace, I don't know how to handle it. I don't give it enough yet I expect it for myself.
Well if I can understand that much I can come to two conclusions.
God is gracious so I need to be. That is my calling. There is no reasoning behind why I must or how I can be. I simply must be gracious. I think it finds its root in love. I must be loving and out of love comes grace. Why and how these things are what they are, I do not know, but I firmly believe God is glorified as such.
Second, I can not expect grace if i am undeserving. Under no circumstances can I really expect anyone to be gracious to me nor can i ask anyone to be gracious to me. That seems quite impractical but quite frankly the truth. However, it is likely that I will be shown grace. But considering how it can not be expected there is only one thing I can do. I must work to be a person deserving of grace knowing that I never will be. I know I mess up in areas and there's quite literally a list of flaws that I have. I must say, theres so much apparently wrong with me that it can be a huge burden, defeating even, but what glory would God gain from that? Indeed I have been blessed with His grace but to not work out my own salvation in fear and trembling would not only be disobedience, but would not glorify God in any way.
unfortunately, its not always what i can or can't do about something... things like sanctification... glorification... the perfection I won't be until God makes me so needs to be realized. It is God who works in me. I must play my part but I do nothing on my own. Too often I talk about doing things when what I mean is just be obedient, pray, and trust.
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